Circle of Life

I suppose in our lives there are many times when we feel like we've come full circle. I've been feeling that since I returned to Colorado, everything is familiar and memories come flooding back at the strangest times.

In a peace making effort my father brought several albums of old pictures to our house about a month ago. Going through reminded me of so many memories --- some happy, some sad and some like this one down right scary.

This picture was taken in front of my dorm room, my first day at CU(the door decoration would change 2 days later to a political statement on gay and lesbian issues, not my choice of course, but a good story for another blog). I can still remember how I felt at this very moment. I had just turned 18 two days before and was about to start college ACK! 1000 miles from home and friends. I remember wanting to throwup as the campus came into few as we drove over the last hill on HWY 36 into Boulder. I sometimes still get knots in my stomach when I drive this way to Boulder.

My college experience, like so many of my memories, is a blur. But I can vividly remember my first few days at CU. I remember skipping the first day of classes to wait in line for football tickets. (This may seem crazy to many of you, especially those who are aware of CU's current status, but in 1990 we were NATIONAL CHAMPIONS and I would make the same choice again) I remember getting lost on campus so many times, I still have dreams about it. The start of the semester was HOT like it always is in August, but September came and so did fall. I can remember the smell, the sounds of the leaves crunching under my feet, seeing people play Lacross for the first time. Most of all I can remember thinking Am I going to make it here? Will I make new friends? What will life bring? I was so full of hope and belief that great things were going to happen to me here, that this was the true start of my life and everything before then had prepared me for what was to come.

Flash forward 15 years...I can't help but wonder if these memories are so fresh because I feel like I'm in the exact same place and really not that much wiser on the life front. I have the same questions returning to CO as I did then, what's missing is the hope and energy I felt back then...what I wouldn't give just to get a little of that back.