Circle of Life

I suppose in our lives there are many times when we feel like we've come full circle. I've been feeling that since I returned to Colorado, everything is familiar and memories come flooding back at the strangest times.

In a peace making effort my father brought several albums of old pictures to our house about a month ago. Going through reminded me of so many memories --- some happy, some sad and some like this one down right scary.

This picture was taken in front of my dorm room, my first day at CU(the door decoration would change 2 days later to a political statement on gay and lesbian issues, not my choice of course, but a good story for another blog). I can still remember how I felt at this very moment. I had just turned 18 two days before and was about to start college ACK! 1000 miles from home and friends. I remember wanting to throwup as the campus came into few as we drove over the last hill on HWY 36 into Boulder. I sometimes still get knots in my stomach when I drive this way to Boulder.

My college experience, like so many of my memories, is a blur. But I can vividly remember my first few days at CU. I remember skipping the first day of classes to wait in line for football tickets. (This may seem crazy to many of you, especially those who are aware of CU's current status, but in 1990 we were NATIONAL CHAMPIONS and I would make the same choice again) I remember getting lost on campus so many times, I still have dreams about it. The start of the semester was HOT like it always is in August, but September came and so did fall. I can remember the smell, the sounds of the leaves crunching under my feet, seeing people play Lacross for the first time. Most of all I can remember thinking Am I going to make it here? Will I make new friends? What will life bring? I was so full of hope and belief that great things were going to happen to me here, that this was the true start of my life and everything before then had prepared me for what was to come.

Flash forward 15 years...I can't help but wonder if these memories are so fresh because I feel like I'm in the exact same place and really not that much wiser on the life front. I have the same questions returning to CO as I did then, what's missing is the hope and energy I felt back then...what I wouldn't give just to get a little of that back.

Early Bird

Getting up at 5:30 sucks!Being back to work with an hour commute each way has seriously cut into my scrapbooking time, plus I feel the pressure to be social with sister and BIL in the evening so I haven’t had as much time as I would like to scrap.


Here’s a project I did a couple of weeks ago for the DW challenge I love the way it turned out. I’m debating keeping it or sending it off to my older sister for her birthday which I’m just realizing is in a few days ack! Not that our family is big on birthdays, we never have been so there’s not a lot of pressure to send something fabulous.

I also completed another special project for my friend Charlene that I put in the mail today, but I can’t post because I’m pretty sure she’s the only one who might be reading this and I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. I did post it on 2 peas in my gallery in case anyone else is reading this. No peeking Charlene!

I didn’t quite reach my goal on Halloween cards, but I did get 12 made. Short of my goal of 20, I think I have enough supplies to make a few more, I just don’t have the time or motivation.

Let it Snow...

Not sure how it got to Sunday already, last week is a blur of snow and commuting.
We had our first significant snowfall blow in on Tuesday afternoon. The dogs were in heaven! They jumped and ran and made doggy snow angels. Here are pictures of Kinley and Tanner post snow fun.


But Abby was having none of it because there more interesting things to stare at....



Elk, the whole herd over 75 returned to our yard on the same day as the snow. I took these pictures from where Abby is standing just on our side of the fence.





I was fascinated by the whole group. The bucks seemed to stand at attention and keep watch over everybody. The young ran around and chased each other across the field and the rest were just laying in the snowy ground munching on what’s left of the grass. as bummed as I was about the snow (I could have waited until Christmas for it to come) I was reminded the next day of why I love Colorado --- it was sunny and 50 degrees and most of the snow melted quickly. It snowed again in the middle of the night on Friday and was already melting away by 9 the next morning.


I’m still working in my temp job, its still a painfully boring job --- but I’ve earned enough now to pay my November bills. Hallalujah! The job has also been extended a few days and maybe more and I am happy to stay there until I can find something more my speed. The highlight of my week was visiting one of our sights and hanging out with the kids it was only for a little bit. Even though it’s been recommended that I stay away from youth service for sanity’s sake, I cna’t imagine my life without it.

This week has been a tough one emotionally --- I’ve felt very homesick. I miss my own space more than I could have ever imagined. I miss my friends terribly. I can’t even call anyone because I’m afraid I’ll just totally lose it and start crying uncontrollably, which is happening enough already. I know this move was suppossed to break me out of a rut, but I this week I felt deeper into the rut than I have felt in a long time. I’m starting to lose the little faith I had in myself before coming here. I’m at a loss on what to do next. I feel really stuck without a job and money. I know it will get better, I don’t think it can get much worse (although everytime I think that it does).

Here’s to a better week and hopefully more time to blog.

Oprah for President ?!?

I must have been living under a rock... I just saw a little link on the Yahoo home page a quick gage of Oprah for president, which got me thinking hmm Oprah? Maybe... My curiosity got the best of me and I clicked the yahoo link and discovered a whole world around this idea.

The main website OPRAH08 (http://www.dreamagic.com/oprah/index.html) is a kick in the pants, complete with theme song, t-shirts and a letter writing campaign. Apparently (here's where the living under a rock part comes in) Oprah's lawyers sued the web developers and song writer. Oprah has since apologized and insists that she would never run for pres. and can you blame her, it's one crappy job. But what if there was someone Oprah-esque. Someone who had their own money and was not subject to the political corruptness that is rampant in Washington. I know Ross Peirot et al already tried that, but Oprah has more contact with real people with real problems in a year than most politicians and billionaires will have in their entire lives. While I've never been a fan of the celebrity politician, I would probably vote for Oprah --- if Ronald Reagan could accomplish some good things (at least that's what my Republican friends attest although I can't really think of any and neither can they when pressed) imagine what Oprah could do. Oprah has demonstrated an ability to get stuff done and get others to help her --- she's built entire neighborhoods in New Orleans, raised money for African aids, opened youth centers, and is more effective at catching sexual predators than the FBI.

And fifty years from now there would be an Oprah dollar coin with her face and her motto "Live your best life" next to in God we trust. Ok I admit I'm getting carried away by the whole thought and I'm not even that big of an Oprah fan. Oprah was not alone in speculation of celebrity presidents --- Jon Stewart and George Clooney were also thrown into the mix. While I love Jon and George I can't imagine voting for either of them. But any of the three would definitely be a better fit with my ideas and values than anyone in the current administration.

Switching gears just a bit...This picture was the link to the story. It is a horrible picture of O (they wouldn't being using this one on the Oprah coin) I was struck by her resemblance to Michael Jackson. Am I crazy? Is it just me? Does anyone else see this? It is not a good look, O. I know I'm not one to talk sitting in my holey sweatshirt and sweatpants and hair pulled in a ponytail but at least I'm confidant I look nothing like Michael. And that friends...is a good thing.

Horoscopes and other stuff

Yesterday...
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22): You appear as busy as a bee in a field of wildflowers, but your looks are deceiving. You might be spinning too many wheels while not getting very far at all. You may feel so lazy that you stay at home and think about all the things you didn't do. Avoid taking the easy way out; don't quit before you even start. Let the day define your pace and keep up with the changes the best you can.

Today...
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22): Your personal weather report includes low brooding clouds and patches of emotional fog that create areas of limited clarity. You may not be sure about where you are going, but using your imagination can help you fill in the details. Be careful, though, for impulsive actions could have negative consequences. Try to stay between the lines.

Boy am I glad I'm not the type of person to buy into horoscopes and I rarely read them, but the first sentence from yesterday's had me stopping in my tracks. I wish it were true. I am not even looking like 'a busy bee', my job depends on others needing help and there's only so many things I can help with in my first couple of days so there has been some downtime which drives me nutty! I'm formatted spreadsheets up the wazoo, check email every 3 or less minutes and nothing. I suppose I could use the downtime to work on my job hunt, but I feel guilty doing that while working here. I've alwasys been very sensitive to using work machines for personal business. This morning I've gotten over my guilt by rationalizing that if I don't work on this blog I will fall asleep which is an even worse work sin than personal use.

Of course after such a funny and slightly depressing horoscope yesterday, I had to read today's to make sure it got better --- but alas it got worse! UGH! But I did have to laugh at the 'personal weather report' I think this would make a great scrapbook page. My whole life has been low brooding clouds and patches of emotional fog that create areas of limited clarity. I'd like to think I am getting better as I get older but the past month has felt like a landslide of emotion.

Good news... If you are living under a rock and not watching my Bronocos on MNF --- they WON! when I was writing my blog at half last night I was a little worried, but they pulled it out in the end. Once again the DEFENSE!!!! saved the day, these guys are incredible. My guy Al Wilson is clearly feeling better and was all over the field and in Steve McNair's face the whole time. Next week the Raiders on Sunday Night...Raiders haven't won a game yet and I hope we romp up the score 60-0. A girl can dream...

A little bit of a rant...

Everytime I think of a rant I think of Dennis Miller and his SNL and HBO rants. Mine are nothing like his, I wish I could be that creative but I do have a couple of things to rant about.

1.Unorganized youth football programs. My brother - in law has coached youth football for the same group for the past 4 years, the first two were great. The last two have been horrible. I have had the opportunity to watch the bulk of the games this year and know Troy is doing the best job he can --- but the league organizers must be horrible. There is no equalization of size/weight and experience among the teams. The top three teams in the league have had 10/11 players on the same team for 3+ years. Only 2 of Troy's kids have played period let alone together. The top three teams appear to have a huge height and weight advantage. I'm not usually one to cry unfair, but he has had an 11 y/o tear an ACL and can't play any sport for 2 years. While this is a common injury in high school and above, in my history of working with youth I have never heard of an 11 y/o tearing an ACL in an organized sport. 11 y/o muscles are extremely pliable, think jello as youth grow. If it was a broken bone I would understand. If this injury was alone I wouldn't be upset but his other key player has a torn quad muscle again a very difficult injury for an 11 y/o. These issues have made for a miserable year of football and Troy spends months planning. The worst part is the league doesn't seem to care, Troy tried to be a good sport and be part of the rules committee preseason, but the organizers did nothing to equalize the teams. The final straw Troy wrote to the head of the league today and got zero response. Very unprofessional, as an expert in youth development organizations I find this despicable behavior. Caring adults deserve better and most importantly the kids deserve better.

Rant #2...'Special People' Why of why do some people think that they do not need to merge when construction reduces the lanes in the road. I'm not one for road range, but I wonder what goes on in the heads of these people, can you not read? do you think the rest of us are stupid? and why oh why should I let you in --- newsflash I am going to do everything in my power to not let you in and I hope that every car behind me does the same. If I ran a monarchy, I would fine these idiots at least $500 and make them sit on the side of the road for an hour --- like a driver's time out.

ooh my Broncos are suffering tonight---a very yucky night rain/snow and cold.

thrifty scrapper update, I found a piece of green patterned paper in my stash that works with the other items and I've made 4/20 cards I was shooting for.

The thrify scrapper...

Here are the great cards(...well I think they're great) I made yesterday and didn't have a chance to post. I got the basic idea to use paint chips from the DW calendar. I decided that I'm going to challenge myself to make as many cards as possible from 1 12x12 sheet of patterned paper, two sheets of stickers, and some misc ribbon and cardstock from my stash. I'm shooting for 20 cards, is this realistic? we'll see...I'll keep you posted.

It's chilly and raining today. The dogs are a total mess, muddy and wet they are banished to the deck until they dry off. I don't know how we'll ever get them clean. I really need to find a do it yourself doggie wash somewhere close by. Poor Tanner was a mess before this and now he just looks like a total rag - a - muffin.

So tomorrow I'm back to work at 7:30 am. and it may snow tonight so it maybe a fun morning all around. Probably have to get up at 5:30 or something ungodly like that. I'm secretly hoping that I will get there faster than I think I will.

Promises

Here it is my journal to prepare for the CK Hall of Fame contest. There are some parts that I just love and others not so much. I'm not really happy with the letters, I didn't have the 'h' from the basic grey chipboard set so I matted the letters on thinner chipboard and then hand cut, I wish they were just a bit thicker. I do love the 2007 with Heide chipboard. I altered the BG Lily Kate paper just a bit. The circles used to just be on the side but I cut them out and moved them to the main design. I wish the goose stood out a little bit more. My favorite part of the book it the tabs which I made out of the insides of the 'O' and other circular letters. I thought this was pretty creative of me, too bad it wouldn't be considered a really innovative technique. I'm getting better at making the most of my scrapping supplies, or at least trying to. I'm totally addicted to altering notebooks.




Big news! Yesterday I started a 3 week temping job, so nice to know that I will still have money coming in the door although significantly less than I'm used to. It was my first time working in almost 3 months and I felt a little slow getting into the grove of things, but the work is fairly mindless, there's no fires for me to put out and I can leave at the end of the day with out bringing work worry home or thinking that my cell is going to ring at any moment which are all nice changes. (whoa...run-on sentence).

I spent sometime today scrapping and making a couple of cards. Just a few snapshots of a recent trip to CA.

oops didn't realize what time it was. I have to go have dinner with my biological dad and our relationship is rocky at best. I'll post the cards tomorrow.

Today Is A New Day...

If you were totally depressed by yesterday's post, don't worry today is a much happier post.

1. I have leads on a couple of temp jobs so back to work I go, I'm so relieved to have some money coming in. My list of things to buy when I get a job keeps growing.

Today's addition to the list tickets to the Who concert in Novemeber. Yes I am a classic rock chick. But to be honest, as great as the Who is, I am even more excited about the opening act...The Pretenders. I sooooo wanted to be Chrissy Hynde when I was young, she is just the coolest ever.

2. "A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind". After you get past the burst of anger and grief in Chapter 3 of the The Artist Way there was a very encouraging passage about serendipity. So I need to get prepared...

I have been seriously thinking about the CK Hall of Fame contest. The assignments are very tough this year. The thought of serendipity applies directly to the first assignment. Develop an innovative technique. Tough because it seems like everything has been done, I had a great idea and then read this month's magazine and sure enough my idea was in there so now I need to come up with something else. Plus I don't consider my self a particularly innovative person so I was discouraged by this assignment. But....I'm not going to use it as an excuse to quit (at least not yet,) the deadline isn't until Feb. so there's still plenty of time to come up with something.

Ao to prepare I started a special notebook yesterday, hopefully I'll finish it today and post tom.

The positive thought for today "Action has magic, grace and power in it"

Life

"This week you may find yourself dealing with unaccustomeed bursts of energy and sharp peaks of anger, joy and grief." The Artists Way

This is one the first page of Chap. 3 and describes my life right now better that any words I could come up with.

Burst of Energy came Saturday as I went to the 2 peas crop I had been planning on for a month. I was so proud of the kit I put together and excited to see what others would do with it. Once I got there it felt like 'coming home' for the first time since I left AK. The gals were so welcoming. Even though there was intense pressure of the time limit, I felt an energy and joy for scrapping that I haven't felt in a long time.

2.5 hours into the crop the bomb dropped and energy shifted to grief.

Abby had attacked Lindy again. I needed to come home immediately.

Since then i have been struggling with overwhelming grief and emotion. Yesterday I was physically ill and could barely function.

I know those around me think I should give Abby up, that the two dogs are just too much for me right now. They say they understand that the dogs are all I have right now, but they truly are my source of strength and security and a reminder of happier times. Every time I think of giving Abby up I start to cry. The other option is to keep her muzzled and crated at all times, which I have been doing for the past three days. But she looks miserable--- it has ripped the spirit of a once happy go lucky dog.

Then there is sweet precious Lindy who has several stitches and a drain in her back and I cry looking at her. Troy says he will take her to another family member's house when she heals until I am out on my own again --- but that seems like a horrible option too. It's their house my rational mind says that as the guest it should be my dog that goes. I wish there was another way but the Vet said that this happens sometimes between two females and that they're so territorial that Abby will try to kill Lindy any chance she gets.

The situation is made all the more bleaker(great english huh) by my pathetic job search. I would probably feel better about my decision to keep Abby if I felt better about getting a job in the near future, but after three weeks of applying for jobs, I have yet to get an interview. I really didn't expect it would be this hard.

To compound matters, my mom has gone back into super worry mode. She and my sister don't understand that I don't want or like to talk about my feelings the way that they do...and because I'm not talking something must be drastically wrong. This is the part that makes me angry. I wish they could just accept me as I am.

But today is a new day...

Think. Create. Rejoice.

is my new motto --- at least for today. I really wish I could steal Oprah's Live your best life if only I could figure out what my best life is...I do know this is not it. It involves...

Thinking

Creating

and

Rejoicing